Thursday, November 18, 2010

It's a Monster Sort of Night

            I’m awake. And it feels late, even though it’s not even 1:30 am, which, I guess, is actually pretty late. I want to sleep, but can’t. Not because I can’t actually fall asleep, but because I have about a million other things to do. And, being so overwhelmed, what is the thing I turn to? Wandering aimlessly through the World Wide Web in search for some sort of distraction. Pandora is playing in the background, and I’m finding myself getting frustrated because I’m not finding anything to pique my interest. I feel silly, looking for something distracting to avoid the real issues I’ll need to take care of sooner or later. Everyone likes distractions. It’s a very human feeling, I think. Just think about it for a second…we humans distract ourselves all the time. Escapism to counter the realism of life is really the only thing we can do to make ourselves feel better. We could just deal with our problems, of course, but sometimes that seems too hard or too scary. Sometimes I feel like a little, tiny girl, and when I get scared of anything, I cover my eyes. It’s easier to not see anything then to see the hard things I suppose.
          I think about monsters a lot. It’s very childish of me, I suppose, but I often think of monsters I have and monsters others have. I imagine them, being all fuzzy and cute and alluring, but with sharp little fangs. Sex Monster, Alcohol Monster, and Loneliness Monster…these are just a few monsters that I think about. Now, it’s easy for me to try to turn away from the monsters in my life, to shove them aside and do my best to ignore their sharp little bites. But sometimes, when I am weakened or tired, these little monsters come creeping into my mind. And that’s just the thing. None of these monsters are inherently bad. Not at all, actually. Being alone is good sometimes, sex is a lovely good time, and alcohol is pleasant spice to add to life. I think it may just be excess of these good, acceptable, normal things that start causing these little monsters to come out and play. In these cases, distractions are good, or at least they seem good. It’s still avoidance, but maybe the avoidance is a helpful, useful tool. Or maybe it’s just running away, or hiding, or covering your eyes.
        At a certain point, though, you just need to face your issues head on. Get off Facebook, turn the television off, and open your textbook. Pull on some shorts, throw your hair in a ponytail, and hit the gym. Grab some chocolate, some tissues, and go talk to your friend about why she’s so upset with you. You get the idea. And right now, I’m going to take some of my own advice. I’m closing down the word document, posting this online, then finish taking notes in preparation for an exam tomorrow. Tonight, I’m facing the Distraction Monster.

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